Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the
_lesser of two weevils_.
A mushroom walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. The bartender says, "We don't serve mushrooms here."
The mushroom says "Why? I'm a fun guy."
This guy goes into a restaurant for a breakfast while in his home town for the holidays. After looking over the menu, he says, "I'll just have the eggs benedict. His order comes a while later and it's served on a huge fancy chrome plate. He asks the waiter, "What's with the fancy plate?"
The waiter replies, "There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"
When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.
A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"
The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."
Two molecules are walking down the street and they run in to each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No I lost an electron!"
"Are you sure" "I'm positive !"
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.