Part II ( Early A.D.)
79 A.D. - Property in Pompeii turns out to be bad investment.
432 A.D - St. Patrick introduces Christianity to Ireland, thereby giving the natives topic to fight about for the rest of recorded history.
1000 A.D. - Leif Ericsson discovers America; decides it's not worth mentioning.
1043 A.D. - Lady Godiva demonstrates against high taxes, causing all to forget what she is demonstrating against.
1125 A.D. - Arabic numerals are introduced to Europe, enabling peasants to solve how much tax each owes on MMMDCCCLX Lira when you're in the XXXVI percent bracket?
1233 A.D. - Inquisition begins. Practice is so un-Christian it is permitted to continue for only 600 years.
1297 A.D. - World's first stock exchange opens. Few have foresight to buy IBM.
1433 A.D. - Portugal launches African slave trade, proving what a small nation can do with a little ingenuity and much evil.
1456 A.D. - English judge reviews Joan of Arc's case and cancels her death sentence of 1431.
1492 A.D. - Columbus lands in Bahamas, names it San Salvador, and calls natives Indians.
1497 A.D. - Amerigo Vespucci becomes the first to think of naming the new world in honor of himself...the United States of Vespuccia!
1508 A.D. - Michelangelo accedes to Pope's demands to paint ceiling of Sistine Chapel, but refuses to wash the windows.
1513 A.D. - Ponce de Leon finds the Fountain of Youth, but dies of old age trying to remember where.
1522 A.D. - Scientists, who know the world is flat, conclude that
Magellan made it all the way around by crawling across the bottom.
1568 A.D. - Upset by the slander of his good name, Russian leader kills 100,000 peasants to make them stop calling him Ivan the Terrible.
1607 A.D. - Indians laugh themselves silly as first European tourist to visit Virginia tries to register as "John Smith".
1618 A.D. - Britain executes Sir Walter Raleigh, but allow his tobacco plants to live.
1642 A.D. - The first nine students to receive Bachelor of Arts degrees in America, discover there are no jobs available for a kid with a liberal arts education.
1670 A.D. - Pilgrims, busy burning witches, fail to observe golden anniversary of winning religious freedom.
1755 A.D. - Samuel Johnson issues the first English Dictionary, at last providing young children with a source of dirty words.
1758 A.D. - New Jersey is chosen as the site of America's first Indian reservation, giving Indians an idea of living conditions they can expec