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Interesting Musings


Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.
* Steve Bluestone

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot,and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
* George Carlin

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
* Carol Leifer

The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.
* Roger Simon

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
* Dave Edison

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
* Johnny Carson

It's not hard to tell we was poor when you saw the toilet paper dryin' on the clothesline.
* George Lindsey

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
* Elayne Boosler

Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
* John Mendoza

I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be. But I think there's one other thing that separates us from animals. We aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners.
* Jeff Stilson

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you.
* Rita Mae Brown

Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.
* Jerry Seinfeld

A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. "You know a cow was murdered for that jacket"? she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too."
* Jake Johansen

I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
* Lily Tomlin

Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fishburger and I realize.... I could be eating a slow learner.


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Rated: 3.2 out of 5 Stars / Views: 3,243 / Votes: 728 / Shares: 24
 

Submitted on: 5 February 1999 by Vicki Maupin
Joke ID: 1488


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